first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
