16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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