U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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