im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
