I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
