I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
