his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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