Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
