I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
