hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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