dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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