No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
