just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
