our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
