we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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