So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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