My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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