is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
