I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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