hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
