yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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