Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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