Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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