i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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