i just had sex bonerless
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
