i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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