She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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