drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
