Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
