I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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