even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
