Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
