Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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