Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
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I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
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I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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