he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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