EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
