whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
