i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
