i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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