I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
