Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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