if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
