I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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