Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
