A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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