The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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