textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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