Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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