So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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