My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
