I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize