I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.