Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?

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  (651): What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid? http://tfl.nu/a3m4
  Replies (49) Good night (576) Bad night (3893)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?

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  (919): So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that? http://tfl.nu/v1uh
  Replies (13) Good night (600) Bad night (3495)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

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  (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu
  Replies (31) Good night (10386) Bad night (1519)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.

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  (502): guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct. http://tfl.nu/g5ut
  Replies (48) Good night (5479) Bad night (2174)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.

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  (704): a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you. http://tfl.nu/45tv
  Replies (2) Good night (2755) Bad night (768)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.

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  (541): When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside. http://tfl.nu/wpt8
  Replies (11) Good night (2899) Bad night (1637)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.

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  (325): Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms. http://tfl.nu/9ede
  Replies (8) Good night (3403) Bad night (716)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.

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  (207): My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad. http://tfl.nu/6faf
  Replies (8) Good night (4471) Bad night (1059)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that

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  (406): She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that http://tfl.nu/d627
  Replies (4) Good night (1811) Bad night (556)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea

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  (425): i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea http://tfl.nu/bucj
  Replies (8) Good night (1406) Bad night (495)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.

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  (901): Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic. http://tfl.nu/8z3j
  Replies (7) Good night (2400) Bad night (561)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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  (816): Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time http://tfl.nu/d70u
  Replies (8) Good night (1263) Bad night (408)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.

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  (307): Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick. http://tfl.nu/ynec
  Replies (15) Good night (2147) Bad night (422)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!

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  (425): I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze! http://tfl.nu/6miw
  Replies (4) Good night (888) Bad night (205)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"

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  (203): You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?" http://tfl.nu/cv6m
  Replies (6) Good night (573) Bad night (189)

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