dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
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If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina