i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
