It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My bed smells like the plague
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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