The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
