Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
