i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
