Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
