Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
